Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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