What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
