you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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