based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
