You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
