from now on my penis is your penis
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
