I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
