Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
