If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she peed on how many people?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
