I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
