Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize