You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
