After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
