Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
