i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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