So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
