i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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