A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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