I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
