So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your cock deserves a montage
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
