brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
