Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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