My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
