Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
