I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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