It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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