I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
