Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
