Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
