Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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