I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
