I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
