we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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