Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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