your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
