It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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