the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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