Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
