I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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