That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
