God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
