I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize