so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
