i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
