peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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