sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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