There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize