just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
