ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
