I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
