btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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