On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Found the puke drawer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize