I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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