Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
