yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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