Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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