I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
