i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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