I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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