HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
