dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
