His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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