If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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