my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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