On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
