Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
