please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
