If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
