It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
