Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize