I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she told me i tasted like america
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
