He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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