Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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