don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
