remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need water and some morals
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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